Young MG adventure

Hello, I am looking for a critique partner and perhaps a long term relationship. I currently have a MG Adventure that I would like to start querying. I’m a homeschooling mama, so I work a little slow. But I do set aside time everyday to read and write. I enjoy a variety of stories, but I’m not crazy about reading anything too edgy (overly sexualized or lots of cursing ).

Q: Name or pen name
**A:Xochitl pronounced So-cheel

Q: Audience or category of your writing, if applicable:
**A:**young MG

Q: Genre of your writing, if applicable:

Q: What would you like your partner to do?
A: provide feedback on over all manuscript

Q: What are you willing to do for your partner?
A: read and provide feedback on manuscript

Q: How quickly you would ideally like to work with your partner?
A: I’m looking to connect with someone weekly or biweekly via email or Skype to provide feedback and discussion on project or potential projects

Q: Your location, if applicable:
A: Los Angeles

Q: Please describe your project in 500 words or less, or paste a sample here!
A: Here’s a sample:

It’s easy to hunt—in theory. Riley watched the plump squirrel munch on an acorn, waiting for his opportunity. It could have been anytime, but the fox had little experience.

Ready, set, go! Riley always counted down, maybe a waste of time, but it helped him focus. He missed.

“You must think you’re pretty special, with your puffy white tail and cute nose. Ha! Can you do this with your tail?” said the squirrel in a hyper-pitched voice.

Earlier Riley and his brothers spent the morning hunting field mice. It was great fun and they had some luck, but his nose was getting sore from all that pouncing. Plus, he liked hunting by himself.

Riley was the middle brother. Kit thought he was so high and mighty being the first and Sam was the runt and just happy to come along.

No one thought Sam would make it, being so small and everything. Riley hunted for the both of them. Kit was okay, but he could be a so serious and bossy. Sam was always willing to play and listened to everything Riley said. He just got tired fast and needed to rest. If only Riley could figure out a way to get a bigger animal then they could spend less time hunting and more time playing. Then maybe Mama wouldn’t hoover over them so much.

She’s always worried about Sam. Her and Riley were the only ones who called him by his name. Dad said it wasn’t a good idea to get too attached. Kit agreed. That sounded crazy to Riley. How could you not bond with your family? Sam was so cute and helpless. He just needed some extra food and encouragement.

Riley was determined to get this darn squirrel. The little pest went on and on, but Riley paid no attention to the chatter. He pounced again only to get a mouthful of fur. The squirrel darted away into a cave. Only Riley’s snout fit through the small hole. The challenge only made the squirrel seem more appetizing. Maybe this was the way to a whole family of squirrels and the Fox’s could feast for days. He dug and dug until he could squeeze through. His grey coat was now a dusty brown.

The sun shone in through a crack in the ceiling creating a soft spotlight on some old pictures on the cave wall. The squirrel was forgotten as Riley gazed at the drawings of stick figures. They held a bow with arrows flying through the air. A weapon was just what he needed.

Riley shot off towards the forest. He’d only recently been allowed to roam on his own but he was already familiar with the area. The cave was up on a grassy hill which was already starting to turn a golden hue actually making it easier for him to hide. It was a little rough and stuck his paws from time to time, but nothing he couldn’t handle.

Hi Xochitl,

If you’re still looking, I would be interested in reading this. I don’t write MG, but I read a lot of it, so I do know the genre fairly well. I do have a light sci-fi YA novel that is aimed at a younger audience I’m looking for critique on. If that’s not your thing, I would still be willing to provide feedback for you.


Hi Kelly!

Yes, thank you! I can send you the full manuscript or in parts, however you prefer.

I would be happy to read you novel.


Hi Xochitl,

I can read the full manuscript. What sort of feedback are you looking for?

Great! Thank you.

I would love feedback on pacing, character, POV (I did an alternating close 3rd person) and world building. I’m totally open to any feedback and would love to start queuing agents soon.

Please send me your manuscript as well and let me know what type of feedback you’re looking for.

My email is